Supporting Little Ones with their Big Feelings

When my daughter Vivian was four years old, she came home from preschool one day and announced in a sad voice that her day there had been “not so good.” 

“What happened?” I asked, trying not to seem overly concerned. 

“Well,” she replied, “Hanky Boy” (her nickname for Hank, one of her best friends) “fell off his chair.” Yikes, I thought, while also wondering, What the heck happened during the rest of the 700 minutes of your day? Of course, I didn't say that, and instead expressed my sympathy for what seemed to have been quite an ordeal.

I was reminded of this while leading—along with three brilliant Morningside staff developers—a day-long training at a school this summer. A kindergarten teacher was explaining her approach to social-emotional learning (SEL) in the classroom. She shared that her little ones had a very hard time identifying emotions. One is either “happy” or “sad.” There is no language for anxiety, fear, grief, excitement, delight. I wondered now, what did Vivian feel that she could only express as “not so good,” and why this incident had been so possessing for my four-year-old daughter.

As this new school year begins for a million students in New York City who have spent a summer experiencing and processing numerous emotions, back-to-school can bring with it a host of new anxieties. Our young people are bringing to you, our teachers, with all of your extraordinary gifts, a host of emotions they may not be able to name. These emotions may be about any number of possible experiences:

• Were they hungry this summer, without meals that may have been provided through their school?
• Did they have an exciting new camp experience?
• Did they meet new friends during the summer, only to see them disappear to their own schools at the end of August?
• Did they see the birth of a new family member?
• Are they unhoused? New to the city? Coming from a place of war?
• Did they have a big, new experience of the world or themselves?
• Did they look after siblings over the summer?
• Were they reunited with someone they care for deeply?
• Did they spend the summer in the Caribbean with aunties or grandparents, and are now in quarantine?
• Did they experience the loss of a family member?
• Did they experience a momentous celebration?
• Do they live with the shame or confusion of a parent who battles addiction—or even incarceration? 
• Do they have new visions for the future that are inspired by the past three months?
• Did they discover something new about themselves? Something they may or may not understand or be ready to share?
• Or, like Vivian, did they spend the month of August with a certain amount of anxiety and trepidation about what the year ahead will hold for them?

At Morningside Center, we often say, “You have to name it to tame it.” 

For those teachers working with littles in the classroom, we offer this feelings wheel to help your little ones find the words for what they feel, begin to get to know each other, and help you give them the care they need this year.

We wish you a strong, joyous, and rewarding new school year!