Listening Exchanges to Nourish Community

Lesson 1: Good and Poor Listening

Invite students to think about how they feel when someone really listens. Then create a chart together, with a list of “What we say and do when we are listening well.”  Remind students to do these things when it is their turn to listen. Regular review and conversation will make these practices automatic

Protocol for Listening Exchanges:

• Pick how long the exchange will be. You may want to start with 1.5 minutes or 2 minutes per person.  
• Decide who will be the speaker and who will be the listener.
• The listener shows interest and care- paying undivided attention to the speaker for the allotted time.
• Even if the speaker seems to run out of things to say, keep paying attention! Holding the space for one another allows our brains to keep thinking and new thoughts may arise. 
• When the time is up, the person speaking finishes their sentence and switches their attention to the next person. It may be helpful for the teacher to keep time and send notes through break-out rooms if this is happening virtually.

 
Possible topic: When was a time that it was hard for you to listen?  

Lesson 2: The Value of Equal Turns & Confidentiality

Try to use a bit more time than you did last time around - maybe 2.5 minutes per person. 

Choose the order for speaking and listening.

Remember, listening exchanges are confidential.  Don't share what the person has shared with you. 

Also, don't give advice!  Give your full attention - sometimes being listened to and heard is what a person needs in order to work through something on their own.

Lesson 3: Making Space for Emotions

If listening exchanges are happening regularly, and with fidelity, there will be enough space for students to begin to really share their emotions. 

We've all had to face challenges in our lives. We've all felt a range of emotions, so they will come up.   

If someone begins to get upset about something during an exchange, we want to continue to listen, and give them that space.  Try to steer students toward expressing how they feel about something, not about the details of the situation.  This is worth breaking down with students regularly. Everyone gets caught up in the gossip of “he said, she said,” etc. But underlying these details are pent-up emotions triggered by the events. When we create space for the feelings, not the details, and connect to other times the speaker has felt this way, then healing begins and the tension in the present situation is diffused. 

Lesson 4: Working with Anger

It's useful to have students to participate in listening exchanges about anger when no one is angry.  This will give students the opportunity to explore what makes them angry, what makes them feel that way, and identify where it comes from.   

This way, when they are angry about something, they have the tools and skills to face it and communicate about it. 

You may find it useful to look at our lessons on I-Messages and sharing anger triggers to use as part of these conversations. 

Lesson 5: Listening Exchanges for the Long Run

If used regularly, these equal listening exchanges will support the social and emotional learning as well as cognitive development and academic skill building. 

Practicing these skills regularly in the classroom ensures that students will tap into them when problems arise. 

You can use them throughout the school day for various purposes: to discuss character motives in a book, for identify next steps in a math problem, or to sort out thinking for other project work. 

Over time you'll see confidence, trust, and relationships begin to develop in your classroom, and your students will have the skills they need when they do experience challenging emotions.